He just left, the furnace guy. And, unfortunately, our 20-year-old furnace, after a long and fruitful life, died. Our quote for replacing it?
He delivered the news kindly, the Furnace Coroner. He mopped his forehead with his shirt sleeve and apologized, “There’s just nothing to be done this time.” He’s been out several times, but it’s just kaput.
I immediately felt a tightness in my chest, a constriction that wound its way around my heart and into my wallet. Earlier in July, I was offered a job as a storyteller on a Christmas train. I turned it down because, though I’d done it years past, I just developed a strong conviction about participating in something that makes Christmas all about Santa when I don’t even do Santa in my house.
Before people start sending me letters, my kids know Santa as a pretend character just like the Grinch or Ebenezer Scrooge. But if what I’m doing actively detracts from the gospel, and it takes time away from my family, then is doing that job how I should spend my holiday season? (This is my conviction, not yours, and I’m not judging anyone.)
I developed this conviction in July. I talked to my wonderful husband about it (seriously, he’s my Rock), and he immediately supported my conviction and decision.
It was a really hard choice- simple, yes, cuz God’s the boss- but I LOVE performing. I love telling stories. I love trains. And I really love making awesome money in only six weeks out of the year.
But God provides, my Rock and I said back in July. So we didn’t worry about it or put another thought into it.
We’re now three weeks away from Christmas. I was able to earn enough money mystery shopping to pay for Christmas. And now the furnace has gone out, died, bit the dust.
For a split second, I regretted my decision to not do the train. With the money I’d make only working weekends for six weeks, I’d’ve (oooh, double contraction!) been able to pay for Christmas and that furnace outright.
But then I stopped and checked myself. Does God provide?
Does He give us convictions for a reason?
Does He want us to trust Him?
God knows we need the money. He didn’t want me to do that job. Do I trust that He’ll take care of us?
I have to admit, I’m a little nervous heading into winter with no heat, but I’m more excited to see what God’s going to do.
Will we go into winter with no heat? Maybe.
Perhaps some stranger will bump into me on the street and say, “Hey! You look like you could use $1,950! You also have fabulous charisma and I can’t even tell you’ve had kids!!” Probably not on that last part (my charisma’s more quirky than fabulous), but maybe!
Maybe it’ll be a super mild winter, or maybe a furnace will show up on my doorstep. I don’t know.
We were given one week to decide. We either buy the furnace, or if we don’t buy the furnace, we have to pay $200 for today’s service.
I immediately needed to post this because I don’t know how it’ll all turn out. It would be easier to wait until the situation resolves and then post about how God answered my prayer. Sorta like saying you knew the Cubs were going to win before they did (and, of course, you’ve always been a Cubs fan), or now telling people that you knew fanny packs would come back into style (honestly, WHO saw that coming? 10 years ago- no one did). It’s easy to say those things, once you’ve seen them come to fruition.
So I’m writing this now. I have no idea what God has in store. We may get radio silence from God for the next three months. Hopefully I will still be singing God’s praises at the end of it.
Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe one won’t.
All I know is that we need $1,950, and we flat-out don’t have it.
Sometimes faith is hard, but I’m trying to step out on my faith now by saying that I know God will answer my prayer for provision even though I have no idea what that’s going to look like.
In the meantime, I have some interesting things to work through, like finding the line between our responsibility to earn more money (I’m a stay at home mom, and my Rock lives on support since he’s a missionary–no extra hours/extra income deal here) and also depending on the Lord instead of our own efforts.
We want to live out on faith. We want our trust to be in God, but we also want to be diligent and responsible.
We’ll see how all this plays out. I could use some prayers.
I look forward to writing the follow up posts. Like I said, we have one week to make a decision. So be praying for my family, and I’ll see you in one week!
How are you having to live out your faith today? Let me know in the comments!
Thanks for reading,